Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Randomize