So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
