very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
