my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
