thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
