I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
i've created a new STD.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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