why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
