omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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