Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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