Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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