sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
