Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
