he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
