Fuck appropriateness.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
