hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
