lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Randomize