he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
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