so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
