Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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