Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
