Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Randomize
