I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
