he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
