So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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