1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Is it because I queefed?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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