I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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