They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Randomize
