i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
