i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
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