well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
