Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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