i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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