so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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