If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
