Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
