so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
