Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
As shirtless as possible
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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