it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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