What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
