those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Randomize
