i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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