dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
