My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
