How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
