i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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