I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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