foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
