I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
