that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
