Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
it's great music for shaving your balls
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize