I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
