Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
