I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I want her autograph on my taint
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
