I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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