Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
