what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
