I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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