The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
