People in love make me want to vomit
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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