I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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