Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
