After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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