yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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