3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize