please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
