well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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