like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
