if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
