I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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