if i can run in heels then i can drive
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
