I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
