i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
