Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
