Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
