He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
