Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
She announced her abortion via fbk
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize