Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
