Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
