I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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