So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
