A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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