Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
