drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
