drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize