If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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