I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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