OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
