ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
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