shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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