Too much gin, very little bucket
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
