the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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