is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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