I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Randomize
