I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
