U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
