apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
MIDGETS
????
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
