Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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