I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
